Saturday, June 30, 2007

breaking! markos moulitsas admits to being karl rove!

in a little known interview with, markos moulitsas, aka the great and powerful kos, admitted to actually being a future reincarnation of a clone of karl rove which came back in time to destroy the blogosphere before it could usurp george bush's power.

the interview was actually given in 2010, but the crack i t staff at skippy international was able to trace the isp footprints foward 3 years into the future (it has something to do with our servers being cross-connected with the clock radio in the break room) and was able to find kos's own words actually admitting that he's out to destroy everyone whom he purged from his blogroll earlier this year.

an except from the interview:

f:  so you're actually a clone.

mm:  yes.  i'm the 23rd generation of a karl rove clone experiment conducted in by the bill frist institute of flat earth science in the year 2525.

f:  in the year 2525?  is man still alive?

mm:  yes, and women are kept in pens for men's pleasure and to make babies.  although we don't need to make babies anymore because the grand exhalted leader jenna bush xiv has declared stem cell research legal for all white people who make more than $500 million a year.

f:  adjusted for inflation, that must be...

mm:  not all that much.  a coke costs $100,000.

f:  so, you're really karl rove, come back in time to destroy the blogosphere.

mm:  yes.  it was decided by the dick cheney 5000 computer-bot that the only way to ensure the great republican revolution had staying power was to make the left look looney.

f:  and you're doing that now?

mm:  well, first we tried sending a real fat guy who made goofy movies back in time, but that didn't work out.

f:  michael moore?

mm:  chris farley.  who knew heroin was so much fun?  so, anyway, it was my mission to come back to pre-21st century berkeley, start up a small internet concern, then convince everybody that if we banded together, we could change the world.

f:  did you?

mm:  of course.  my powers of persuasion are legendary.  and i'm incredibly charming in person.

f:  i'll admit to wanting to have sex you with you right now.

mm:  understandable.  using these great charms, my hologram jerome armstrong and i were able to convince the majority of left-leaning computer geek slackers to vote for the democratic party.

f:  as opposed to someone who would actually stand up to bush?

mm:  exactly.  we were able to stave off actual grassroots change and let the glorious republican mass mind-control take place.  now the future is one of peace and prosperity for old rich white men everywhere inside the beltway.  oh, by the way, i'm going to have to kill you, you know.

f:  i guessed.  but can we have sex first?

mm:  no.

f:  aaaaarrrrrghhhhggghhh!!!!!!  my spleen!!!
it is our sincere hope that by publishing this interview we can change the course of history, and...

arrrggghh!! our spleen!