Running On Empty

Hey, "Pacman"? Do you finally get it? You better. Look what happened to a friend of yours: Bears Pull Plug On Tank LAKE FOREST, Ill. -- The Bears waived troubled defensive tackle Tank Johnson on Monday after he was pulled over for speeding in Arizona last Friday. Johnson already is suspended for the first eight games of the 2007 NFL season after violating probation on a gun violation. "We are upset and embarrassed by Tank's actions last week," Bears general manager Jerry Angelo said. "He compromised the credibility of our organization. We made it clear to him that he had no room for error. Our goal was to help someone through a difficult period in his life, but the effort needs to come from both sides. It didn't and we have decided to move on." Some jocks at the end of their careers either become legends or pontificating talking heads on ESPN and call it success. Others are human crash test dummies who can't miss hitting brick walls. What happens to them? They die tragically young (Len Bias), are goddamned lazy and piss away their talent (Derrick Coleman), turn into boozy losers (Vin Baker), go to jail (Denny McClain), or become manipulative assholes that betray both their fans and their legacy (Pete Rose). Then again, you have unique fuck-ups like "Tank" Johnson who do a little bit of everything. Usually, idiots like "Tank" live in a bunker that keeps the real world outside. Once in a while, though, when they finally Go Too Far, the walls protecting them become as flimsy as a soap bubble and disappear. Poof. Sure, Tank will get another chance with a new team--at a substantial discount, of course. Maybe next time, he'll hire a driver.